I got thrust into the bizarre world of theatre and film production since 2009. Having always wanted to perform, I figured that setting up my own company as a side project would enable me to constantly work, create, envision and collaborate.
Since 2009, I like to think I have matured over time and figured out how I work and my ever evolving niche.
When I say mature, I look at the process of maturing more as a circumstantial process rather than an estimation of time and linear progression through life. My maturity has mostly been upped after a quick turn of events or decision making or mistakes I have made along the way and being a very conscientious guy; wanting to rectify and redeem myself and actions to save reputation and mostly to avoid affecting others I work with too.
Being in this crazy industry has taught me many things but I shall focus on this article on a few. One lesson or observation being that in this industry, you won't be perfect and you're always proving. I quite enjoy the proving game, I don't enjoy being sussed out straight away or becoming predictable and stale and I certainly don't want to know it all before I'm 30. (I'm 29 fresh, as I write this article.) I usually hate being someone who makes mistakes and shrugs his shoulders and retorts "that's life" - Yeah, we make mistakes, but I like to avoid them if it means sleeping soundly, being less stressed and not having anxious heartbeats every 5 minutes. (Speaking from someone who suffers from anxiety.) But I have made my mistakes. You can blame stress, naivety, ego, ignorance, arrogance or maturity, but whatever the reason, when it comes to this industry, it can seriously make or break you.
Since 2009, I like to think I have matured over time and figured out how I work and my ever evolving niche.
When I say mature, I look at the process of maturing more as a circumstantial process rather than an estimation of time and linear progression through life. My maturity has mostly been upped after a quick turn of events or decision making or mistakes I have made along the way and being a very conscientious guy; wanting to rectify and redeem myself and actions to save reputation and mostly to avoid affecting others I work with too.
Being in this crazy industry has taught me many things but I shall focus on this article on a few. One lesson or observation being that in this industry, you won't be perfect and you're always proving. I quite enjoy the proving game, I don't enjoy being sussed out straight away or becoming predictable and stale and I certainly don't want to know it all before I'm 30. (I'm 29 fresh, as I write this article.) I usually hate being someone who makes mistakes and shrugs his shoulders and retorts "that's life" - Yeah, we make mistakes, but I like to avoid them if it means sleeping soundly, being less stressed and not having anxious heartbeats every 5 minutes. (Speaking from someone who suffers from anxiety.) But I have made my mistakes. You can blame stress, naivety, ego, ignorance, arrogance or maturity, but whatever the reason, when it comes to this industry, it can seriously make or break you.
In most other industries, you make a mistake, sure, there are repercussions and complaints etc but in the acting and production world, a world that is actually MUCH smaller than you think, everyone is interconnected somehow, everyone has either worked with one another or has heard about the other and then the biggest quirk of the job is that unless we live under a rock for 50 years... everything we do is documented, shared, whispered, filmed, reviewed, recorded, published etc. We are always in the spotlight, being scrutinised, having our abilities and skills showcased on a regular basis and promoted and thrust into random projects. Our lives are always on show and in the backstage world, there is so much tension and passion that tempers do erupt from time to time.
We are all creatives wanting to prove, engage, produce, be noticed, have our work noticed, explore, experiment and share ideas and stories.
Sometimes our imaginations get the better of us and we don't quite know how to impart our visions onto others without it looking or sounding unusual or impractical or terrible.
I'm still figuring this industry out and I'm not quite sure if it will ever be figured out. What, with new technology, methodologies, ideologies, working styles, disciplines, generational advances and more always evolving the industry, it may never be understood completely.
But I know that throughout the constant medley of changes and intermittent shifts of what's in or out or what's cool or not, what's taboo or what is accepted, I can adapt and adjust and always be a student of this game and learn and fulfill and redeem and absorb.
My mistakes have been naive or overzealous inner decisions on how to work with people and represent an idea. In a world where we are told to be bold and be brave and prove and stand out from the rest. I want to always provoke thought and give artists an opportunity to think, represent a new way of behaving and communicating ideas and to be experimental and adventurous but with an approachable and humbled mentality as not to overwhelm or pretentiously dissuade an audience.
I'm still maturing and evolving and figuring out ways on how to be unique and represent my Tickle me Morbid Productions banner. Morbidity without it being cliche and taboo without it being tasteless and riske without it being dangerous and careless.
We are all creatives wanting to prove, engage, produce, be noticed, have our work noticed, explore, experiment and share ideas and stories.
Sometimes our imaginations get the better of us and we don't quite know how to impart our visions onto others without it looking or sounding unusual or impractical or terrible.
I'm still figuring this industry out and I'm not quite sure if it will ever be figured out. What, with new technology, methodologies, ideologies, working styles, disciplines, generational advances and more always evolving the industry, it may never be understood completely.
But I know that throughout the constant medley of changes and intermittent shifts of what's in or out or what's cool or not, what's taboo or what is accepted, I can adapt and adjust and always be a student of this game and learn and fulfill and redeem and absorb.
My mistakes have been naive or overzealous inner decisions on how to work with people and represent an idea. In a world where we are told to be bold and be brave and prove and stand out from the rest. I want to always provoke thought and give artists an opportunity to think, represent a new way of behaving and communicating ideas and to be experimental and adventurous but with an approachable and humbled mentality as not to overwhelm or pretentiously dissuade an audience.
I'm still maturing and evolving and figuring out ways on how to be unique and represent my Tickle me Morbid Productions banner. Morbidity without it being cliche and taboo without it being tasteless and riske without it being dangerous and careless.
My mistakes were how to approach actors about nudity, expressions, controversial subjects and intimacy. How to guide these actors who submit themselves (like I do) to an unusual and very fickle industry like puppets, saying yes to any job that pays before realising our dignity and limitations, and to utilise them in a way that is helpful, engaging and appropriate, not to mention purposeful.
Sometimes, as a casting director or writer, you enter a world where your imagination takes over reality and you expect anything to be possible. And when you involve other strangers into YOUR world, you need to invite them and allow them to experience it in THEIR way too and see if they resonate with you.
My mistake was to jump straight into the deep end and expect actors to run before they can walk and expect them to get naked because I wanted to see for myself what I could do with that image or if they were appropriate or get them to perform with others or interact with material that may be uncomfortable for them straight away or not be conducted in the most professional way.
My mistakes were many factors of immaturity, ego, manipulation and impunity thinking that it was acceptable to orchestrate things in a silly and cheap manner because I was in charge of a project with candidates who agreed to get involved and so I thought I could do whatever and see if it worked out.
Sometimes seeing an attractive actress correspond with you and agree to your terms and explain how confident she is with your script or idea is a thrilling and rewarding exchange. Wow, she likes my idea and agrees with the portrayal of that female character! And its wonderful to see how willing she is to to explore the idea or enter the realm of showcasing herself in a provocative or intimate way. Your grounded and professional mindset can battle with your adrenaline and ego.
Sometimes, as a casting director or writer, you enter a world where your imagination takes over reality and you expect anything to be possible. And when you involve other strangers into YOUR world, you need to invite them and allow them to experience it in THEIR way too and see if they resonate with you.
My mistake was to jump straight into the deep end and expect actors to run before they can walk and expect them to get naked because I wanted to see for myself what I could do with that image or if they were appropriate or get them to perform with others or interact with material that may be uncomfortable for them straight away or not be conducted in the most professional way.
My mistakes were many factors of immaturity, ego, manipulation and impunity thinking that it was acceptable to orchestrate things in a silly and cheap manner because I was in charge of a project with candidates who agreed to get involved and so I thought I could do whatever and see if it worked out.
Sometimes seeing an attractive actress correspond with you and agree to your terms and explain how confident she is with your script or idea is a thrilling and rewarding exchange. Wow, she likes my idea and agrees with the portrayal of that female character! And its wonderful to see how willing she is to to explore the idea or enter the realm of showcasing herself in a provocative or intimate way. Your grounded and professional mindset can battle with your adrenaline and ego.
I may be the only one; who knows, but for a writer, you have the original and organic vision in your head. When you write a character brief of say, a Goddess who comes out of the ocean in a beautiful swimsuit, you wrote that for many reasons. Some could be because of the fascination of that particular character, (could be a mythical character, a true story or metaphorical representation), you could want to explore what beauty means to certain people, what elegance, nature, intimacy and seduction etc means. It could be a moment to showcase freedom, sexual prowess, desire, hope, romance, wonder etc. It could be a cool moment to change the pace of a moody film or to experiment with music and camera work. Instead of reading "Woman in bikini" it could mean many things. (As long as it does mean that and doesn't in fact, serve just for titillation and sex appeal)
So... you write that and your mind and heart and passion is attached to that scene, to that moment, to that world. You stayed up late thinking about it, you want it to be PERFECT. And then it comes to casting for it (Its a great idea to separate writer from casting director, but in my case, I'm a one man band at the moment) you want to make the PERFECT choice and get excited when your idea meets a certain reality.
This is where the fine line of remaining utterly professional and dignified and losing control and making up the rules as you go along gets defined. I found myself enjoying creating ideas and seeing who would apply and why. It fascinated me. I sometimes would do casting calls without knowing if I had the time to fulfill the project just to see if it was reacted to in a positive way. How do people approach these projects? What can they do to make it a reality? How will they involve themselves? What characters could they play? I got hooked and it made me lose sense and in return it inadvertently created a lack of trust and hopeless outcomes. I had my moment to represent a cool idea, backed by scripts, explanations, body of work and vivid descriptions, but I failed with the execution. I subjected and objectified because my imagination got the better of me. And I have learned from my mistakes and matured and realised that during the game of proving oneself; respect, self respect, honesty, humility and improvement are what always separates the man from the menace.
I hope that through every day, I can create work that is worthwhile, memorable, provoking and admirable and that I can work with people and guide people in a safer, passionate, humbled and more professional environment and provide good work that can shed some good light in an industry that can snatch the light away and place it somewhere else.